The Rant Thread...

[Talmina]

ok heres my rant... im sick of being in a wheelchair, i want to get back to my normal life. i feel like i could manage without it but i know i should stick to drs orders and wait another 4 weeks. and i want to be able to do stuff for myself again, i cant even get myself a drink from the fridge properly atm, well i cant carry it cos everytime the walking frame, which i HAVE to use around the house, hits a bump it spills everywhere. i keep telling myself im halfway through now but its still annoying me.

[Miska]

*huggles* ull get there and it will go quickly!!!!!!! *hugs and choco*

[Squarmi]

*HUGS* for Talmina. It'll be over soon.

And on watch marks, they do eventually disappear. It's taken me about 4 months and mine's almost gone. Don't give up yet guys!!

Squarmi

[Elspeth]

Hehe - I like my watch mark, actually. When people comment on how pale my skin is, I can take off my watch and say: "Ha! If you want to see pale skin, then look at my watch mark!" Er, this doesn't really happen that often.

Talmina - you sound like such a strong person. All through your post, I was impressed by a sensation of a rather confident and intelligent person and I'm sure you have the ability to endure the next four weeks of inconvenience and frustration. You can always duck back in here and rant again, if you feel the need. It always makes you feel good to rant and you have the advantage of knowing that you're ranting to sympathetic people who will tackle you with cyber-hugs and good wishes.

*gives Talmina one of Sir Gallivant's geriatric elephants as a pet*

[brydie]

*tackles talmina with cyber-hugs and good wishes*
ditto to everything buneater said! u go girly!

[Talmina]

thanks guys

[nata]

Ok I've been reading some rants and I don't think mine come up to par, but this is a rant/seeking advice post, so here goes.

About 6 months ago I broke up with my boyfriend. It was all very messy and only in the last Month have I managed to really get things sorted. You see he had a spare key to my apartment and took it upon himself to come over whenever he wanted. He borrowed money, and wouldn't return my things. So a couple of weeks ago, I got my locks changed ($160!!) I sent him a letter, asking him not to come over any more and not to call. Which surprisingly he's done, but I've figured it's because he found out I'd changed my locks.

So I've seen him twice since then, once at a club, in which we did not speak (thank god, cus I think I would have said a few choice words if w had) and then on Saturday night.

I went to my friends 18th, caught up with all my friends. He was there, with his cousin. No big deal. There was a bit of razzing, but nothing I couldn't handle and I had Everyone on my side anyway. Besides I did the sensible thing, and went to the other firepit instead of sticking around to hear any more 'crap'.

So I get into a conversation with his cousin, who I've always liked. He's a nice guy, nothing like my ex, but he tries so hard to be.

Anyway, the night ended with my ex having an argument with someone, that possibly would have resulted in major fistfighting if my pregnant friend hadn't told them to stop it and took the friend home. A few minutes later the ex left, so it's been widely speculated that he started the fight because he knew he'd have a get-away. Coward!!

So I'm getting driven home with my friends and I'm sitting in the back with a guy I've always really liked. But he's a pit of a player, or so he brags to be. Which is fine, I'm not looking for a relationship after all the stuff I've had to deal with. He suggested coming back to my place, but I had to work the next day! Arrgh!

Ok its now 3:30am and I get a message from none other than my ex's cousin!! Over the next hour the messages continue until he blurts out that he wants to be with me!!

Seriously, what have I done to diserve this complicated life? He's really nice and maybe, maybe if he wasn't 17 (I'm 22) and not such a try-hard and NOT RELATED TO MY EX, then maybe I'd think about it, but based on those things, there's no way. I tried to let him down gently and I thought I got it through to him. Until it all started again, Sunday night. Just constant messages

"You don't have to be alone"..."No, I Choose to be alone."..."

"But I really like you, and have done for a long time."... "I haven't seen you in months and I had one conversation with you at the party. You don't even know me!"

"But you said you liked me!"..."I said I liked you as a friend!"

Honestly, doesn't he see how wrong it would be, not only the age difference (yes, he acts his age and I act like I'm 50 half the time) but its the fact that he's still apart of something that I've been trying very hard to get away from!

Bah.

Help??

Rant end

P.S I'm isck of always being sick all the time. Every time my glands swell up I have to be tested for glandular fever. Bah!

[Dameon]

Advice from Kayt, she of Self-Inflicted Non-Datingness:

My one and only relationship lasted a grand total of six very distressing weeks. I can't stand men, (and no, women aren't my scene either) so whatever advice I give you is coming from a "eew. don't touch me" viewpoint.

I find the one and only way to deal with the complications that come from guys is to be absolutely, dead set, serious in your non-datingness and to make it a well known fact (although, maybe not to the extent where you get introduced as "the celibate chick". Anyway, my point is, that if you really REALLY in your deepest heart don't want to get involved with anyone, men will pick it up. They have some kind of radar that senses it. You also never have to offend anyone becuase everybody knows it'll never happen.

Of course the major difficulty is that you really do have to mean it. It takes a while, but I found it effective to just remind myself about why I made the being single decision in the first place. I'm assuming you haven't made a permanent choice, as I have, but the principle is still the same. I made a list in my of all the pros and cons of dating again, and I ultimately decided that the cons so far outweighed the pros that everyone in the universe must be mad except me!

In my rambly, round-about way, what I'm basically saying is that guys, and I mean no offence to anyone, this is just my experience, are not usually willing to try very hard. They sense vulnerability and if they think you might be crackable, they will try all kinds of tactics (begging, romanticising, threatening, getting your friends to arrange it) to make you change your mind about them. They like to test the water a little (a friend of mine used to "admit" to having a crush on all the girls, to see how each one would react), and once you get past that testing stage, they will hopefully stop trying. (And if they don't, they're probably quite a devoted or extraordinary guy, so they might even be worth a shot!)

Remember why you made your choice in the first place, and from what you've said, it seems like the right choice to me. If you do that, you can be confident in that decision, and then it's plain sailing.

I find it helps to if you treat everybody equally. Treat the guys exactly like the girls. Unconcious flirting is so easy to do and it sends the wrong message, but if you make a concious effort, you're usually okay.

Hope some of that advice is helpful. To sum up, in English, as opposed to ramble:

1. "Sorry. Not interested." Just keep assuring him you're not.

2. Mean it. If you mean it, no one can fail to believe it, and it prevents you sending the wrong vibe or signal.

3. Make sure everyone knows you've made a decision not to date for the time being. Otherwise the setting upness comes.
(People even warn their friends away from me...
"Your friend Kay..."
"Don'tgothere")

4. Trust me on this. You're decision IS the right one. Don't let anyone EVER tell you that it wasn't the right choice to make. They (and often this is guys trying to spot a weakness) will tell you you're being silly ("Just because you were burned once..."). They might say you are in denial, they might even suggest you're gay. (Man, am I ever tired of that one!) A friend of mine gets all religious on me, and tells me that celibacy is not the right way. (What about Nuns? I say!)
But whatever they say, it's YOUR life, and any decision you make about it is automatically the right one!

Good luck, and I hope things work out for you soon.

KSL

[Squarmi]

I totally agree with Kayt. You've got to really firm with guys when you say no. And let them know that you mean it when you say you're not interested. If he keeps msgeing you to try and change your mind stop answering his msges. I can't say I know that much about relationships, only had one (if you could call it a relationship. Lasted a couple of weeks and finished basically when I refused to sleep with him) and I'm in the beginning stages of another. But if you don't want to get involved with him then you'll just have to keep telling him that.

Good luck hun, and hope it all gets sorted out soon

Squarmi

[nata]

Thanks Kayt. Maybe I should be taking your approach, full on. But I have a twinging fear of being alone, so as much as I wish for the strength to be happy with myself, by myself, I don't have it. Which is why I'm still on the look out.

Like my friend who wants to catch up with me...alooooone.

Like the guy at the club who I have a crush on am now too scared to go talk to after a brief kissing encounter.

And there's a couple of others.

That's not to say I'll get into a relationship with any of them. But like my sister says. I'm 22, I should be out having fun, not worrying about one guy, who can't get his act together!

Thanks Squarmi, I've turned off my phone now so that I dont have to deal with it for a while. I hope he'll get the point. I just feel sorry for him, I still want to be his friend. When I was with my ex, I sort of felt like a cousin to him myself, I was always making sure he was ok and having fun when he visited.

Guess he took it to think I was looking for something more. See where kindness gets you!!!

[Miska]

nata - his age (esp if he acts it) probably plays a major part in how he sees things...hes young nad care free, still at school and the only girls he prob really gets to no is relos g/fs...*shrugs* jsut be deffinate and itll all work out...as long as u do nothin ull regret then a freindship can always come from it. it just mite take time...but kayt ur advise is brillant! to bad u dont have any for ppl who are looking ;P j/k

[Talmina]

ok i decided it was time to ressurect this thread after ive spent 3 days plotting murder and revenge...

ok here goes

about a month and a half ago i met this guy who seemed really cool and sweet, for about a week he was hanging out with me everyday and sending me all these really sweet messages, on like the 4th day we ended up going to the movies and we ended up getting together, the next day we saw my ex, who is one of my really good friends and he was kinda upset about us cos he had planned on asking me that same day.

so anyway things were great for like a month and i thought that id finally found a decent guy who really wanted to be with me and stuff, he had even talked about us moving in together (which i must mention he brought up not me), even though i said it was too soon.

so on friday night i sent him a message about looking at a friends car which he was interested in buying, and after 2 messages asking and about 2 hrs he finally replied, so i sent him back another message asking what time he was gonna pick me up in the morning cos he had said he would, and he said when he got up, and then asked for a break (yes in a text message) and that he would explain in the morning when he came over, so i asked if he meant a break or break up, he said he wanted both for now.

i was pretty upset about this but i figure hes gonna come see me in the morning and we can talk and stuff so its ok. by about 1pm the next day i realise hes probably not gonna show up so i send him a message asking if hes gonna explain to me or not, so he sends ANOTHER MESSAGE back telling me that it was getting too full on and he freaked (yeah it was him who brought up the topic of moving in together though). a bit later he saw my friend (the ex who was gonna ask me out just after i got together with him) who asked if id talked to him cos i was pretty cut and stuff, he said he had called me.

the next day i found out off one of my friends that he had spent the entire weekend flirting with a friend of mine (including friday, when he had told me that he was having a guys night at a friends place) and he mightve done something with her on friday night cos theyd spent a few hours alone driving around and stuff.

the friend is now being really distant towards me and stuff, but at the same time really overprotective about me being out of the wheelchair.

ok well i think thats all of it except that he owes me $630, which he was supposed to start paying me back yesterday, and when i asked him about it last night he said he would give it to me when he gets around to it

[Miska]

HUGS! jes hun! thats soooooooo horrible!!!!!! and he seemed soooooooo nice and everythin! liek u had finally gotten the break/guy u deserve!!!!!! *huggles again* that bastard! at least he could be honest with u! lud sakes! i think its revenge time alright!

[Talmina]

yeah i know he did, and all our mutual friends thought he was a really decent guy until friday night. his best friend is even cut and not sure if he wants to be friends with him anymore, he hadnt seen him around chicks since they were in yr 8 cos they went to different schools and he is sooooooo shocked that hes acting like this

[Miska]

i bet! but its good ot no that even his friends think hes being a bum! cos thats sooooooooooooo crap! honestly the least he could do is be honest wit u! unless he really likes u and just cant break to hurt u cos hes a bloody fool! (if u get me...his inner tormoil)

[Talmina]

the stupid part is, the only reason im cut is cos of how he broke up with me and the lying after. i dont even care if anything happened with the friend, well not that much, i dont think he couldve shown his lack of respect for me in any less of a way anyway so does it matter. and if it was for not wanting to break my heart, why didnt he talk to me about it first, instead of just "oh sh!t, this is getting too serious, im gonna bail"

[Miska]

ooo i agree....i think its so horrible...but second thoughts make u do strang things :S..that all i was meaning! i wasnt -by any means-wanting to gloss over his actions!

[Miska]

ive got to add:

DOIG JUST WHIPED MY IPOD! *cires*

[Elspeth]

Ah, Talmina, that's just... blug. Yes, blug. What a... blug.



Sorry. I just can't believe people think it's alright to behave like that. Some people don't seem to think other people have feelings. They think it's OK to behave badly, because no-one else really matters. It makes me so MAD!!

I'm going to see if I can arrange a sudden shower of grand pianos to rain on him some time tomorrow afternoon.

Miska: You dog wiped your iPod? I'm confused.

[Miska]

lol..no Doig...hes my sis friend he descided he didnt like wat was on my ipod so he restored factory settings! ARGH! i should have said anthony...but we call him doig:P

[Elspeth]

Why did he decide to do that? That seems incredibly rude.

*throws several rotten cherry tomatoes at Doig*

[Miska]

well he decided to put his music on there too...well like wat was on his computer...which is a really good mix! and most of my favs are on there...but yea i thought it was a little rude too...he could have ask. i would have said yes so it doesnt matter...but still ;P

[Talmina]

thanks for the grand piano shower, im hoping to hear many details on how mangled his body is. actually you know when in obernewtyn when dameon says that hatred burns IT DOES, i realised it on monday night when he signed onto msn. oh wait, no it was when he said he would pay me back when he got around to it, but yeah my heart felt like it was on fire, i thought i was gonna suffer a case of spontaneous human combustion.

and yeah i was kinda confused about the doig thing too, and he shouldve asked youre right, it doesnt matter that it was ok, its the principle of the matter

[Miska]

oooo jes!!! *dumps water on her* dont combust please!

[Talmina]

thanks, i dont wanna combust either. im just still really angry about it all.