Clare's Collection of Unusual Tales and Pictures

[Dark One]

Man misses world's biggest rock

An Australian man has been arrested for drink-driving after he asked police the way to Uluru - just 100 metres from the 1,115ft high rock.

Police say the 44-year-old was driving a four-wheel drive with his headlights shining on the rock when he waved them down.

It happened in the dark but police point out that Uluru, former known as Ayer's Rock, is the world's greatest monolith, reports ABC News online.

The man is said to have failed a breath test and has been charged with drink-driving and driving while unlicensed.

[Dark One]

Police mistook firemen for thieves

Police in a Chilean town mistook firefighters tackling a shop blaze for thieves and tried to arrest them.

The outraged 24 firemen in the town of Valparaiso are now trying to sue the police for compensation.

They were trying to put out a fire at a fashion chop in the town when police arrived and mistook them for a gang of robbers.

Police arrived because the shop had been broken into shortly before the fire started but the firemen arrived first.

A police spokesperson said: "We did not realise they were firemen, we thought they were the robbers pretending to be fire-fighters.

"You know how robbers are these days, they are so creative. We were trying to be a step ahead."

[Dark One]

Rollerblading cops scrapped

Police have scrapped a squad of Rollerblading cops - after discovering they can't chase criminals across grass.

The Royal Parks Police in London thought the Rollerblades would give the team extra speed.

According to The Sun Supt Derek Pollock admitted: "It was not a success. Not a lot of officers were interested because it hurts when you fall over. When people ran across grass, the guy on Rollerblades had to take them off."

The force has now reverted back to bicycles.

Supt Pollack added: "They go up and down steps. They're flexible."

[Dark One]

Woman found condom in loaf

A Slovakian woman says she cut into a loaf of freshly baked bread to find a condom inside.

Petra Zeleznikova, from Zilina, said: "We had just sat down to eat the bread which I had bought that morning from the local supermarket when I saw something rubbery inside it. When I pulled it out it was a condom."

She added: "It was really disgusting. Obviously someone had decided to play a joke but that's not the sort of thing that belongs in a loaf of bread.

"I'm just glad it hadn't been used. We had to have our eggs without any toast that morning."

[Dark One]

Town haunted by ghost bride

A town in Argentina is said to be living in fear of the ghost of a woman who was ditched at the altar.

Children are refusing to go to school and street cleaners are refusing to work night shifts in Frontera because of the 'ghost'.

They say they are terrified after seeing the ghostly figure of a woman wearing a wedding dress, reports Las Ultimas Noticias.

The town priest has held a special mass to try to calm the angry spirit which locals claim to have seen walking all over town.

A police spokesperson said: "This is getting out of hand, the whole town is terrified, we've been getting phone calls all the time.

"They say it is a bride who was left in the altar and died of sadness and now wants to bring the same sadness to everyone she encounters."

[Dark One]

Woman called police over hubby's porn habit

A frustrated German housewife called police because her husband would not stop watching porn movies.

The 44-year-old woman, from Aachen, dialled the emergency police number and told the dispatcher in a weepy voice there was an emergency.

But when officers arrived at the scene they found her pacing the apartment while her husband, 46, sat in front of the TV watching a blue movie.

She told the police: "Nothing will move him, not even if I offer him the real thing, and he has the TV on so loud I'm sure the neighbours can hear it."

She was told however that there was nothing the police could do in such a case, but refer her to a counsellor for help.

[Dark One]

Aliens 'will chat to us in 20 years'

Aliens will be talking to us within the next 20 years, according to scientists.

Dr Seth Shostak of the Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence group said: "We'll know we are not alone between the years 2020 and 2025.

"This will be one of the biggest, if not the biggest, story of all time."

His group is building 350 telescopes to listen for ETs reports The Sun.

Dr Shostak believes aliens could already be listening to Earth. And he reckons alien life may have landed in clumps of bacteria cells.

[Dark One]

Ryanair flight lands at military base

A pilot landed a passenger jet at a military base after mistaking it for an airport.

The Ryanair flight from Liverpool came down at Ballykelly instead of City of Derry airport five miles away, reports the Mirror.

The 39 passengers and six crew were taken off and the Airbus A320 grounded by authorities for an investigation.

Ryanair said the pilot of the flight - operated by Eirjet on its behalf - "mistakenly believed he was on a visual approach to City of Derry".

The airline have launched an inquiry into the botched flight.

A spokesman said: "This incident arose as a result of an error by the Eirjet's pilot who mistakenly believed he was on a visual approach to City of Derry airport.

"All passengers disembarked normally and were coached to City of Derry airport.

"Ryanair has notified the Irish Aviation Authority and the Civil Aviation Authority of this Eirjet error. We asked Eirjet to carry out a full investigation."

[Dark One]

Pub burglars served free beers

Burglars served a drunk free beers until he passed out after he walked into a pub while they were robbing the safe.

The pair were clearing out a pub in Amstetten, Austria, during the night when drunk Hermann Bendt, 47, stumbled in, sat at the bar and ordered a beer.

The duo served him three pints "on the house" and chatted to him before Bendt fell asleep across the bar.

The burglars then emptied the safe and took all the valuables, including expensive stereo equipment, from the pub. The sleeping guest was later woken up by police.

He could only describe the men as "one big bloke and one smaller one".

[Dark One]

London 'too risky' for US school band

A US high school marching band has been banned from taking part in a London festival - because it's too dangerous.

Education officials in Florida feared the 140-member band from Fort Myers High School might be caught in a terrorist attack.

The band had to turn down an invitation to take part in London's 2007 New Year's Day parade after their school chiefs ruled they would be "safer in America".

One angry pupil, Ethan Lapham, said: "It's more probable to be struck by lightning or be murdered in your sleep, than to fall prey to an attack by al-Qaeda terrorists.

"There is no better time to show these terrorists that we have no fear of them. Instead we are forced, through the cowardly acts of our superiors, to hide in shame."

But Herb Wiseman, high school consultant for Lee County, Florida, pointed to the July 7 London bombings.

"What happens if kids get on a train that blows up? We don't have trains blowing up in America," he told the Fort Myers News-Press.

Organisers of the London parade, who have invited groups from all over the world, offered to fly offficials to England to put their minds at rest, but they refused.

Bob Bone, the parade's executive director, said: "Here is an educator that seems to delight in the knowledge that he is ignorant of the facts. London is not a city under siege."

[Dark One]

Snake found in broccoli

A woman opened a bag of broccoli and found a live snake.

Tina Cosby was preparing tea for her family when she spotted the foot-long grey and black snake curled around the veg.

According to The Sun she said: "I took out the bag and put it on my kitchen worktop while I untied it.

"I was about to put my hand in to pull out the broccoli when I suddenly saw this snake inside. Its beady eyes opened and I threw a fit. It was staring at me and its little tongue was poking in and out.

"I was shaking and so terrified that I could feel my heart racing. I had to have a cup of tea to calm down - and then I felt sick."

Tina's husband David, 33, took the reptile to a vet in Halstead, Essex, where it is being kept.

Experts believe it is a non-venomous horseshoe snake.They can bite humans - leaving teeth marks in a characteristic horseshoe shape.

Tina complained to Tesco where she bought the veg and was sent an apology and £50 in vouchers. But she is seeking further compensation.

Bosses launched an inquiry to find out how the snake got into the broccoli, which came from Spain.

Tesco said: "This obviously caused a bit of a shock. Our suppliers are going to review quality-checking procedures to ensure this cannot happen again."

[Dark One]

3-year-old drives car

A three-year-old boy has taken his dad's car for a spin.

During the drive Andrew Mcdowell injured his dad and crashed into two cars.

Andrew got behind the Ford Mondeo's wheel after dad Andy left the keys in the ignition as he changed a headlight bulb.

Andrew, from Washington, Tyne and Wear, put the automatic into "drive" and went on a 100-yard jaunt.

He raced across a busy junction and smashed into a parked car - which was then shoved into a van.

Andrew escaped without a scratch. But the damage to all three vehicles has been put at £6,500.

According to The Sun his dad said: "I'd left the keys in the ignition so I could check the lights were working after I changed the bulb. The next thing, my little lad had jumped in and turned the engine on."

Andy needed first aid after being hit by the car as it lurched off. He added: "It must have got to about 10mph, with me clinging on to the wing mirror trying to stop it.

"It went over a junction and hit a people carrier, which then hit a van. I dread to think what might have happened if a car was going across the junction."

Andrew's mum Lyndsey, 29, said: "Like any three-year-old, he's into anything."

[Dark One]

Free rent for sex in New York

Wealthy New Yorkers are advertising rent-free rooms to women in exchange for sexual favours.

The New York Daily News reports the trend and lists a number of ads on the popular Craigslist.org website.

One, entitled "Take Care of My Needs and Live Rent Free", offers: "All you have to do is take care of all my urges, and I'll let you live in a one-bedroom apartment I own rent free."

Another ad reads: "All I am looking for is an attractive, playful, and submissive woman who is uninhibited to my proposal... substituting rent for sexual encounters."

In the posting, the 33-year-old man living in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, adds that the room comes with a TV, DVD player, internet-ready computer and a phone line.

"I don't need the rent but would like to fill it up with a woman who would love to show her appreciation for my generosity," he wrote.

But Deputy Police Commissioner Paul Browne warned that the advertisements amounted to prostitution.

"It is illegal to trade or solicit sex for monetary consideration or other consideration," he said.

[Dark One]

Sat nav takes Dales visitors astray

Visitors to the Yorkshire Dales are being sent up a dangerous track by their cars' satellite navigation systems.

They are being directed on to a steep unclassified road, impassable to normal road vehicles and with a 100ft drop on one side, reports the Telegraph.

Many ignore a no through road sign and open a five-bar gate before trying to continue along a gravel track linking Swaledale and Wensleydale.

It has led to farmers having to rescue them with tractors as the vehicles become stuck on an S-bend then try to reverse out of trouble.

Steven Porter, 41, whose Summer Lodge Farm stands at the start of the track, has noticed a marked increase in traffic.

"I wondered what was happening, then one fellow who was stuck told me his satellite navigation system had brought him there," he said.

"They must have all got sat-navs for Christmas."

Previously, the road, close to the hamlet of Crackpot, was used only by local people, gamekeepers and the occasional mountain biker.

Mr Porter has taken up the matter as a safety issue with Grinton parish council, of which he is a member, and is calling for safety signs to be erected.

He said: "It can only be a matter of time before someone goes over the edge of that drop."

[Dark One]

Magpie's f*g break

A woman has revealed a magpie flies into her garden for a drink and a f*g.

Juliette Davis, 61, has spotted the magpie in action several times in her garden at Aldridge in the West Midlands.

When Juliette leaves her cigarettes and drink unattended on her patio table he rummages through and lifts a cigarette out with his beak. He then flies back and dips his beak into her glass of brandy she has with her afternoon coffee.

According to the Daily Express Juliette said: "It's amazing I've never known anything like it. He pinches my cigarettes when I'm not looking.

"I go back to the packet and find them scattered over the table with one missing."

Magpies are attracted to shiny objects and are notorious for stealing jewellery.

[Dark One]

Mother-in-law for sale

A man is so sick of his mother-in-law he is selling her on eBay.

Steve Owen, 42, published a photo of 50-year-old Caroline Allen under "Collectables And Weird Stuff" on the internet auction site - describing her as "used".

He has invited bids starting at just £1 reports The Sun.

He posted the ad on the site after Caroline quit her home of 27 years in America and bought a house round the corner from him and common-law wife Tracey, 35, in Alvaston, Derby.

Steve said: "I'm deadly serious. She comes to the house every day trying to change me and make me tidy.

"I just hope someone will take her off my hands. She's single and not bad looking."

Caroline hit back: "He's lazy and I won't stop nagging him until he changes - that's my job. But he could have made the starting bid £100. I look better in the flesh."

[Dark One]

Giant bunny attacks veg

Allotment owners have called in armed guards to protect their vegetables - from a rabbit.

The gigantic rabbit is so powerful it can pull prize leeks out the ground - and eat whole rows of onions, parsnips, and carrots.

It's been compared to the 'Curse of the Were-Rabbit', the Wallace & Gromit film about a fearsome bunny that destroys vegetable patches.

Jeff Smith, 63, was first to spot the black and brown creature at the Mouldshaugh Lane allotments in Felton, Northumberland, two months ago.

According to The Sun he said: "It was massive. I thought, 'What the hell is that?' It's no ordinary rabbit - we're dealing with a monster.

"Its prints are huge, bigger than a hare - about the size of a deer's. One ear's bigger than the other. It's a brute.

"The Curse of the Were-Rabbit was a film . . . this is the real thing."

Plot holder George Brown, 76, vowed: "We will nail it."

Marksman Brian Cadman, an assistant gamekeeper on patrol, added: "We've been told to shoot on sight."

[Cookie Lover]

Where do you find all these?!

[Dark One]

most of them are found on www.ananova.com

Look under the 'quirkies' section

[Min]

Re: Giant rabbits!! Awww!! I was so thinking about Wallace and Grommit then! What next, a penguin robbing a museum?

*whistles wallace and grommit theme song*

[Dark One]

£125 trillion phone bill

A man has received a phone bill for £125 trillion.

Yahaya Wahib said he was shocked when he got the bill at his home from Telekom Malaysia.

He was told he had to pay up within 10 days or face prosecution.

The bill was for the phone line of his father, who died in January reports New Straits Times.

Mr Wahib had that line disconnected and settled the outstanding 84 ringgit (£13).

But Telekom Malaysia then billed him for 806,400,000,000,000.01 ringgit for calls they claim he made recently.

Mr Wahib said: "If the company wants to seek legal action, I'm ready to face it. In fact, I can't wait to face it."

A company official said Telekom Malaysia was looking into the case.

[Dark One]

German sues Easter Bunny

A German man has taken legal action against the Easter Bunny for grievous bodily harm.

Karl-Friedrich Lentze, from Berlin, has filed a complaint with prosecutors, accusing it of causing addiction to chocolate which leads to heart attacks, obesity and strokes.

Lentze said: "The Easter Bunny is a sadistic and unscrupulous offender who preys on people's sweet tooth.

"Find this evil bunny, handcuff his paws and remove him from shops in time for Easter."

Public prosecutor spokesman Christian Avenarius said: "We will act upon the complaint with speed and diligence."

[Dark One]

Missing phone delays flight

Holidaymakers were stranded at an airport for four hours - because a pilot lost his mobile phone in the c0ckpit.

The passengers were settled in their seats ready for take-off while the captain gave a running commentary on his search.

He scrambled around the floor and finally called for "technical assistance".

Engineers had to dismantle sections of the c0ckpit to search under the floor - but still couldn't find the phone.

After an hour the 189 passengers were asked to collect their belongings and return to the terminal at Doncaster Robin Hood Airport. They finally took off with a different pilot reports The Sun.

Thomsonfly apologised and insisted they had no choice but to delay the plane.

A spokesman said: "The aircraft could not take off until the phone was recovered as it was still switched on. Phones have to be switched off during a flight for safety reasons."

A passenger said: "We just couldn't believe our ears. We thought we'd heard every excuse in the book for delays but this one took the biscuit. At least the pilot was honest right from the start.

"He told us over the tannoy that we couldn't take off until he found his mobile phone. Fifteen minutes later he said he was still looking for it. So we just waited and waited and he kept announcing they were still looking.

"Then he said the engineers had dismantled some of the panels in the c0ckpit but they still couldn't find the phone anywhere."

[Min]

OMG, I wonder if they ever found it?
Just more evidence to prove that mobile phones are EVIL!!

[Dark One]

Guard shoots own leg

A security guard shocked bank customers in a Brazilian bank when he accidentally shot himself in the leg.

The customers thought they were caught up in a robbery at the Banco do Brasil in Osasco, reports Estado de Sao Paulo newspaper

Police arrived but could find no signs of a robbery. The guard, Ricardo Leandro da Silva, finally admitted he had shot himself.

He was taken to hospital but only had minor injuries.

Polices spokesperson said: "He was so embarrassed it took us a while to find out what had happened.

"He still hasn't been able to tell us how he managed to do it."