Clare's Collection of Unusual Tales and Pictures

[Siryn]

ARE THEY COMPLETELY NUTS ~!!!~

i'll be watching the news more often to see if someone gets their head sliced open -or OFF ~!!!~

[Dark One]

Police mistook pregnant woman for drunk driver

Dutch police mistook a woman who was about to give birth for a drunk driver.

Officers stopped a female driver in The Hague because she was making strange movements and they thought she was drunk.

They asked her to co-operate and breath into a breathalyser but were shocked by her response, reports Nu.nl.

She asked them: "Can it please be quick? I'm about to give birth and I can't find the hospital."

The woman had been having painful contractions and was using her satellite navigation system to try to find the hospital.

The policemen took the woman to hospital in their own car. After her son was born, they returned with a teddy bear.

[Dark One]

Pensioner pulled for sex while driving

A newlywed pensioner has been arrested for having sex with his bride while driving away from their wedding reception.

Traffic cops in Bergamo in northern Italy pulled the Fiat Punto over after watching it veer from side to side down a busy road.

Inside they found a partially naked 70-year-old man behind the wheel and his 59-year-old bride sitting astride him.

Ciampini was arrested for dangerous driving.

[Dark One]

Cryonics founders cremated

Two founders of the cryonics movement - whose members are frozen after death - have been cremated after a freezer mishap.

The bodies of Raymond Martinot and his wife Monique were stored in a freezer in the hope modern science could one day revive them.

But, 22 years after his mother's body was put into cold storage, their son discovered the freezer unit had broken down, reports the Guardian.

Rémy Martinot said he had no choice but to cremate his parents' bodies after the technical fault had seen their temperatures rise above the constant level required of -65C.

"I don't feel any more bereaved today than I did when my parents died, I had already done my grieving," he said.

"But I feel bitter that I could not respect my father's last wishes. Maybe the future would have shown that my father was right and that he was a pioneer."

Raymond Martinot spent decades preparing for his demise in the belief that if he was frozen scientists would be able to bring him back to life by 2050.

But his wife, Monique Leroy, died first, in 1984, and was the first to enter the freezer unit in their Loire Valley chateau.

In 2002 Dr Martinot died of a stroke, aged 84, and his son followed his orders to inject him with the same anti-coagulants and store him alongside.

[Dark One]

OAP becomes porn star

A 75-year-old granddad has become a porn star in Russia after wandering into a blue movie audition by mistake.

David Bozdoganov wandered into the Gorodcki production company's studios after mistaking posters for new erotic actors as an advert for a muscle man show.

Director Alexander Plahov said: "We were auditioning for a new film and had a number of couples on stage simulating sex when I saw an old guy standing at the back.

"I wandered over to ask him to leave when I saw this massive package straining against his trousers. I thought, now this could be an original idea.

"And I was right - all the movies we've made with David have been huge successes."

The OAPs biggest hits have been The Old Neighbour and The Handyman at Work.

But Plahov added: "His female co-stars always complain because David believes in the beneficial power of garlic and insists on rubbing it on his erection before a scene and it's rather smelly."

[Dark One]

James sells his sister

James Blunt has revealed he sold his sister on eBay.

The singer came up with the idea so she could attend a funeral in Ireland.

The plan worked well for his sister as she is now dating the winner of the auction.

According to IOL.com James said: "I had a bit of an eBay addiction and I sold everything in my apartment in London and then I came in one day and my sister was crying because she couldn't get to a funeral in southern Ireland.

"None of the planes were working, none of the trains, none of the ferries, so I saw another golden opportunity to flog something and so I put my sister up on eBay, saying, 'Damsel in distress, needs to get to Southern Ireland. What do you get out of it as a bidder? You just get to be a knight in shining armour.'

"Everyone started bidding and a guy won and he had a helicopter and he could fly her to the funeral in southern Ireland and they're now dating and they've been going out for 18 months and she's living with him."

He said he has similar plans for his other sister, he added: "I have a second sister, who's gonna go on sale soon."

[Cat-Eyes]

Hehehehe, love them!

[Dark One]

Muggers outran Olympic champ

An Olympic gold medallist could not catch up with a gang of teenage robbers after they made off with her cash-stuffed purse.

Romanian Doina Melinte, who still holds the European record for the 1,500 metres, was attacked at a petrol station just outside Bucharest.

Three teenagers took her purse which had £17,000 pounds in it she was carrying to make a down payment on some land.

Melinte, who won gold in the 800 metres and silver in the 1,500 metres at the 1984 Olympics, gave chase but lost the trio after about half a mile.

The 49-year-old said: "I ran after them for about half a mile but could not catch them and I lost them at some point."

Police say they have identified the robbers and are trying to track them down.

[Siryn]

How Embarrasment

[Dark One]

Schoolboys stole to fund red light trips

A gang of Austrian schoolboys stole £18,000 worth of valuables to finance after school visits to prostitutes.

The four boys, aged 14 to 15 and unnamed for legal reasons, took laptops, mobile phones and wallets from teachers and other children at their school in Graz.

They then took their loot to the local red light district and handed it over to prostitutes in return for free sex sessions.

According to a Graz police spokesman, the boys were caught after an investigation into increased local school crime.

[Dark One]

Mum is scared of peas

A Cheltenham mum is to undergo therapy to help her overcome her fear of peas.

Louise Arnold flees restaurants if she spots peas on a plate and gets anxious if she sees them in a supermarket.

Now Louise, 35, is to undergo therapy as part of an ITV show called Phobias in a bid to cure her irrational fear.

She will see counsellors, hypnotherapists and acupuncturists to tackle the phobia which began after the birth of daughter Chloe, five.

She said: "I've got to stop this because I can't bear to be in the same room as peas.

"There have been occasions where I've been out for a meal and asked the waiter for no peas and had to rush out of the restaurant when they forget.

"I can't even go to my local pub because they serve peas on the menu. I'd love to lead a normal life and be able to go into the pub and have a drink."

But she gets little sympathy from her friends, who bought her a T-shirt saying: "Give peas a chance".

[Swallow]

Cut fruit, other than apple, orange, bannana. I can barely handle tomato. Watermelon has me nervously bouncing from foot to foot. Fruit salad on my plate means i can't touch anything on the same plate and can even be turned off eating anything else simply because of the sight of it. So i can soooo understand. But running out of the restaurant? that's a little too far....

fascinating as ever good DO!

[Siryn]

i can understand. i had to go to psychiatrists as a child because i couldnt cope with broken biscuits.

[Dark One]

Brits are naked callers

One in three Brits regularly make telephone calls in the nude, according to a new survey.

Men are less reserved with over 40% admitting to making naked calls compared with 27% of women.

The study for Post Office HomePhone also revealed that many of us don't pay full attention to callers.

One in ten people admit to wandering off and leaving the caller talking to themselves, and 62% carry on watching TV.

And 5% of people questioned had at one time become so bored with the conversation they fell asleep.

[Dark One]

Wardens capture fake lion

Armed safari park staff were told a lion was on the loose - only to discover it was a wooden cut-out.

Wardens were told the big cat has escaped from an electrified enclosure.

They ordered terrified park staff indoors and desperately tracked down the beast reports The Sun.

Bosses at Longleat, Wilts, did not tell wardens it was a training exercise until the "lion" was caught.

General manager Keith Harris said: "After a while the 'lion' was spotted about half a mile outside the enclosure.

"It was encircled by vehicles while the choice was made to sedate or kill it. We decided to sedate it. It was only then that the truth dawned on everyone.

"Most staff thought it was a real emergency. The whole exercise went very efficiently."

Longleat, owned by the Marquess of Bath, has never had a lion escape since it opened 40 years ago.

[Rushton]

*High Fives Dark One*

Huzzah!!

also *gifts with e-card

[Dark One]

Lol, thats cool!

School for UFO-spotters

A flying saucer school teaching UFO-spotters how to react if they meet an alien has opened in Russia.

The opening of the new UFO and Paranormal College, run by the Ufology Commission in Togliatti follows a spate of crop circles in the region.

According to Tatiana Markova, chairwoman of the Commission, the school was opened in response to renewed local interest in the paranormal.

"We teach people how to spot a flying saucer, where you should go to see one and how to react if you meet an extraterrestrial."

Markova insists she and her colleagues are qualified to teach mankind how to deal with the first encounter with an alien race.

She said: "We have studied several of the most popular flying saucer routes and filmed the phenomena we saw.

"For example we have lots of video footage featuring the type of UFOs called Belgian triangles, they are frequent visitors to our city."

And she added that after students learn the theory of 'Ufology' they are taken out into the field to practice their skills.

"However we are not going to take crowds of amateurs to UFO sighting spots just to satisfy their curiosity. We expect newcomers to extend our UFO-sightings map," she added.

[Dark One]

Man told to buy a dog license for barking doorbell

A Dutch man has been ordered to buy a dog license because of his barking doorbell.

Gerrit Bruintjes has a computer controlled doorbell of the family home in Oldenzaal, reports Nu.nl.

It can play 15 different 'chimes' but he has it set to bark like a dog in honour of the family's pet German shepherd which died a few years ago.

A tax inspector recently called at the home when they were out and, after ringing the bell, left a demand for them to buy a dog license.

Mr Bruintjes said: "Last year we had big trouble in convincing the tax inspector, we have no dog in the house. And this year we had to go through the same thing again.

"My wife arrived a minute later and had big trouble convincing the tax inspector we had no dog at all."

But Mr Bruintjes said he won't chose another melody.

"Certainly not," he said. "This sound is to honour our deceased dog. I just hope its rings a bell with that tax inspector when he comes next year."

[Dark One]

Fayed to tell the time

Harrods boss Mohammed Fayed wants to be mummified when he dies and made into a clock.

He wants his body embalmed body and made into the hour hand of the massive timepiece on the roof of his Knightsbridge store reports The Sun.

Fayed's artistic director Bill Mitchell said: "This project is certainly a lot of fun for us.

"Becoming the hour hand of moving clock would be his last grand gesture. I think he was very tickled by the idea of becoming a timepiece.

"He's planning on being mummified and attached to a rotor so he can slowly inch around the clock and be used to tell the time for years to come.

"Yes, it sounds like a mad idea but he's a showman and loves this sort of thing."

[Rushton]

*High Fives Dark One Twice!*

*gifts with a solemn promise from George Lucas to never again tinker with the original Star Wars Trilogy*

[Dark One]

Tortoise lived to 255

A giant tortoise believed to have been the oldest animal in the world has died at the ripe old age of 255.

Addwaitya died at his home in a zoo in Kolkata, India, reports the Daily Mirror.

He was once the pampered pet of Robert Clive - the pioneering British general who helped colonise India in the mid-18th century.

Local historians say he was brought from the island of Aldabra in the Seychelles and presented to Clive by sailors working for the East India Company.

Weighing up to 500lbs and around 5ft wide, he is thought to have died of liver failure.

One keeper said: "His death is heartbreaking. He was a permanent fixture. We will miss him."

Officials are making sure Addwaitya lives on by preserving his shell as a museum piece.

[Dark One]

Eagle flies 200 miles to former owner

An eagle has made a 200-mile flight back to its former owner.

Lucy, a three-year-old African tawny, was sold for £3,000 by falconer Titus Wardle to a fellow enthusiast.

The pet moved from Malham, North Yorks, to a new home in Reading, Berkshire.

Lucy went missing soon after the move reports The Sun.

After more than two weeks turned up at his former home in Malham.

Titus, 21, said: "I was flying my hawk and looked around and there was Lucy sitting on a dry stone wall. I couldn't believe it.

"The day she decided to try and make it home was really windy. Lucy must have caught a gust of wind and started heading North. It is the distance she has travelled that is surprising. It is very, very unusual.

"I have been involved in falconry from the age of nine but the furthest I have know them stray is about 10 miles."

Titus has decided to keep Lucy and has given back the £3,000.

He said: "Lucy obviously likes it up here and is going to stay. It was a huge shock to say the least when I found her again, or should I say when she found me. I was sad to see her go so it was nice that she felt the same. How could I give her back?"

[Dark One]

Woman sues relative for 'grave-snatching'

A German woman is threatening legal action after her aunt-in-law "stole her grave" and was buried in it instead.

Christa Jahn, 73, from Frankfurt, bought a grave right next to her husband Hans' and expected to be able to rest in peace next to her beloved.

But she says she was shocked to learn her husband's family had buried his aunt, Johanna Woyte, in her grave.

The widower said: "When I went to lay fresh flowers on my beloved Hansi's grave, I saw in horror that the grave next to his, which I paid for with my own money, was taken by his aunt. I thought my heart would explode.

"Now I understand why Hans' family did not invite me to her funeral this January. It was an evil plot to snatch my grave.

"I now say to the Evangelical Church that runs the cemetery: Give me back my grave, or I will take legal action."

Anneliese Gerlach of the local Evangelic Church community said: "I thought they all had arranged things among themselves and had no reason to think there was any dispute."

[Dark One]

Man blames crash on pretty woman

A German taking a Ferrari for a test drive wrapped it round a lamppost when he tried to impress a pretty woman.

Alphons Edberg, 33, from Hamburg, was driving a borrowed Ferrari 360 Modena which he was considering buying.

But, according to police, the inexperienced driver lost control after putting his foot down to impress a pretty woman he had spotted.

He crashed the powerful car into a tree, a road sign and a fence before finally wrapping it around a lamppost.

The car was a write off and Edberg is in hospital being treated for head injuries.

[Dark One]

Drink driver blamed Shania Twain

A drink driver escaped conviction in Canada because he believed Shania Twain was helping him to drive.

Matt Brownlee was arrested after police spotted a pickup truck speeding along a busy street in downtown Ottawa.

The 33-year-old told psychiatrists that he believed the country singer was helping him drive, reports CBC News.

A judge ruled Brownlee was not criminally responsible because he suffers from delusions that female celebrities communicate with him telepathically.

He could now be detained in hospital, released under supervision or given an absolute discharge.