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Post by Talmina on Feb 12, 2006 13:05:00 GMT 11
It's best to tell him outright, talk to him about how the amount of messages he sends you irritates you and that you are interested in someone else. Tell him that you think he is a nice guy but that you don't see him like that as more like an older brother sort of figure, the age gap is too big for you and couldn't see it working, and would rather keep him as a friend. Perhaps if you have a single friend closer to his age suggest you introduce the two of you etc. Just make sure when you tell him that you just want to be friends you show that you really do want to be friends.
While Syrin's idea would work it would also make you come across as more than a little mean. He should respect you for being honest, but gentle with him, instead of lying.
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Elspethseeker
Guildmember
OH YEAH MOONFAIR SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posts: 2,460
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Post by Elspethseeker on Feb 14, 2006 13:08:07 GMT 11
WAAAAA!!!!! its serves me right for being away so long but its all different and what looks for the better i have missed so much. lol anyway ello all the fellow peeps hi again and all that and what is up?
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Cookie Lover
Guildmember
I'm a pirate, and a knight. Arr.
Posts: 2,022
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Post by Cookie Lover on Feb 14, 2006 15:36:58 GMT 11
The opposite of down?
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Post by Dameon on Feb 16, 2006 21:54:28 GMT 11
Kayt's Rampant Generalisation For the Week:
Present company, my family members and two or three close friends not withstanding, I HATE men!
Gah!
How does it follow that because circumstances have dictated that I walk past you, you automatically have the right to stare freely at my arse? And what do you think I'm stupid? You think I can't SEE you watching me and leering at me as I simply walk past you, minding my own business? You think the greasy death-stare I give you is cause to smile and laugh slightly once my back is to you? What, you think I'm dumb, or else completely without the right to privacy?
If you do think that, you're an arsehole! But I already knew that!
Also, the fact that two similar incidents occur in different parts of the city on the same day really upsets me! I'm not saying stuff like that happens to me every day, or anything. I'm just REALLY annoyed right now because it happened TWICE in the same day! And it's happened before. With the blatant staring, and the commenting (what, am I deaf, jerk?) and the occasional shouting.
WATERING CAN OFF!!!
WHY WHY WHY are people this... RUDE?! It's intrusive, it's offensive and it's REALLY upsetting!
Gah! *goes and has quiet hissy fit elsewhere*
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Post by Dark One on Feb 16, 2006 22:25:01 GMT 11
Unfortunately that seems to be the general behaviour of some men.
You should come back to them with some comment that will make them embaressed and shut them up
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Post by Squirt on Feb 16, 2006 22:33:34 GMT 11
Know what you mean Kayt! I had a guy ask me if I could see my feet when standing up? Hopefully that comment doesn't need explaining. He didn't even say it behind my back, he walked right up to me and said it! I don't understand, did he think it was a compliment? It just made him look like a total sleaze!
Although I gotta say that lately most guys have been pretty good. I think they're slowly catching on...
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Post by Elspeth on Feb 16, 2006 22:36:20 GMT 11
Oh my lud, that's disgusting, Squirt. Bloody hell - did he think you didn't have feelings? What possesses somebody to do something like that? I just hope karma comes back and kicks him in the behind or stabs him in the back of the head or something. And that goes for the guys perving on you too, Kayt.
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Post by Siryn on Feb 17, 2006 1:18:19 GMT 11
the perving i can handle. in fact i do it often, but, you know, discretely!
what i cant handle is the rude comments!!! Bunne your a writer, what do you suggest that could be said back?
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Post by Elspeth on Feb 17, 2006 11:02:08 GMT 11
To be honest, my immediate thought on hearing what that guy said to Squirt was to punch him so hard his teeth fell out. I honestly think that words just don't help in this situation. After all, you need a certain level of intelligence to understand them and people who behave that way have already demonstrated that they haven't reached that level.
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Post by Rushton on Feb 17, 2006 13:35:29 GMT 11
 Squirt! that man was just... I have no words. My immediate reaction would have been to punch him in the face followed by a swift kick to the privates and then when he was writhing on the ground in pain I think I'd kick him again! Honestly some people have absolutely no niceness in them! I must rant about the butchering of my Art History unit. Sweeping changes to the curriculum mean that we no longer have lectures. It's now all self-directed learning. I have to 'research' 5 cultures or 5 artists, there is absolutely no context to this, no judging of what is art and what is a good example. GAH! I used to really enjoy all the presentations and given the elf directed option I'll put in the minimum effort - purely because I have no time to throw myself into research with abandon.
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Post by Swallow on Feb 17, 2006 13:51:20 GMT 11
URGH MY STUPID WIRELESS IS DOWN well, it's not really down, it's just refusing to work. So now i'm back on here. No one wants to help me move my desk out to the other room, and i can't do it on my own, so i can't move anything else, so my room is a friggin mess i can't tidy up because there is nowhere to tidy it to anymore. So i'm living in limbo with 3/4 of my bed taken up by things because there is no where else to put them!!
And my wireless is down, did i mention that?? which means i'm back to using this stupid computer that isn't designed for people of my height so i keep busting my wrists to use it. I'm an addict i don't need this amount of inconvenience!
Godsdamnit! i wanted to be in my new room before uni gets back, and that's not going to happen. How am i supposed to be organised enough so i don't have another frigging crash when i'm stuck in this frigging limbo. GAH
and as to the other rants, Squirt that man deserves to die a slow horrible death, and Rigel, we should just shoot your education department.
No holds bar today, Flit is p!ssED OFF
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Post by Elspeth on Feb 17, 2006 15:07:01 GMT 11
I think that self-directed learning is an academic phrase for "saving money and not having to hire lecturers". Why would you pay all that HECS just so you can essentially teach yourself?
*whaps Flit's wireless*
Behave, curse you!
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Post by Arctic Firefox on Feb 19, 2006 0:45:22 GMT 11
Most men are jerks. It's a simple fact of life. Some girls, however, dress so skimpily they really can't pretend they're surprised when people stare or make comments.
To further illustrate both points, let me relate a little incident that happened on the way to work this afternoon. I got out at Camberwell, and was walking across the bridge when I noticed two boys and a girl in front of me - probably just out of high school or something. One of the boys was yelling crap about "illegal immigrants". It took me about one second (brief glance at clothes) to realise that he was, at the very least, an incredibly stupid xenophobic loser; at the worst: a neo-Nazi (but they're the same thing when you think about it). He then turned around to me: "Hey, you know where I can go to get my illegal immigrant papers? A government office or something?" I blinked, realised what was going on, and kept walking. He and his companions started to laugh and he kept on ranting about how "illegal immigrants" have it easy, and if only he could get his "illegal immigrant" papers. These are the type of people who will destroy this country if given the chance. He and his goofy friend, and their skimpily-dressed bimbo companion. Note that I would be considered "white" if everyone were categorised according to ethnic background or skin colour, or whatever ... I shudder to think what he would have said if someone with a different background happened to pass by first.
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Post by Swallow on Feb 20, 2006 21:26:08 GMT 11
Most men are jerks. It's a simple fact of life. Some girls, however, dress so skimpily they really can't pretend they're surprised when people stare or make comments.
So are you saying we should cover ourselves from top to toe? sorry, it's comments like that which lead onto comments such as, women who get raped deserve it because they invite it with their clothing.
I hate the way some women dress, but you know what, that shouldn't make them the victim. I know this isn't what you're saying Fox, and i guess, from what i know of you so far, that you are a decent bloke.
Women get stared at no matter what they wear. I wore baggy clothing for years, and still noticed people staring at my chest the whole time. I wear clothing way more attention grabbing than Kayt (and if you call a fairly loose sleeveless top skimpy, maybe you should spend some time in Queanbeyan), and she still gets stared at. So it makes no difference.
Women get stared at for being women, and no amount of dressing down helps.
And what about men? should men have to refrain from taking their shirts off at the beach (and i wish some would) because it might make them a target? Why should it be just up to the women. Men should have some common decency. I don't mind the occaisional brief look, hell, i do it to men without thinking. It's the ones that can't pull their eyes up. Or decide to make comments.
So, no, clothes have got nothing to do with it, in my mind. That's just an excuse for bad behaviour. |
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Post by Lauren on Feb 20, 2006 21:48:37 GMT 11
Most men are jerks. It's a simple fact of life. Some girls, however, dress so skimpily they really can't pretend they're surprised when people stare or make comments.
So are you saying we should cover ourselves from top to toe? sorry, it's comments like that which lead onto comments such as, women who get raped deserve it because they invite it with their clothing.
I hate the way some women dress, but you know what, that shouldn't make them the victim. I know this isn't what you're saying Fox, and i guess, from what i know of you so far, that you are a decent bloke.
Women get stared at no matter what they wear. I wore baggy clothing for years, and still noticed people staring at my chest the whole time. I wear clothing way more attention grabbing than Kayt (and if you call a fairly loose sleeveless top skimpy, maybe you should spend some time in Queanbeyan), and she still gets stared at. So it makes no difference.
Women get stared at for being women, and no amount of dressing down helps.
And what about men? should men have to refrain from taking their shirts off at the beach (and i wish some would) because it might make them a target? Why should it be just up to the women. Men should have some common decency. I don't mind the occaisional brief look, hell, i do it to men without thinking. It's the ones that can't pull their eyes up. Or decide to make comments.
So, no, clothes have got nothing to do with it, in my mind. That's just an excuse for bad behaviour. Amen to that. Women, and girls, who wear horribly revealing clothes may as well go around wearing a sign that says 'STARE AT ME AND MAKE SNIDE COMMENTS' because thats what their clothes are suggesting. Its pathetic. And it comes down to a lack of self-respect. I wore a short skirt and tight top (and let us just say that Im not lacking in the chest department, unfortunately...but thats another rant  )in public *once* and a 20-something year old, greasy haired all feral guy walked past me and said 'Hey lovely, how you doing?" I was completely shocked! Its never happened to be before that, and I really hope it never does again. Its a horrible, intrusive just bleugh feeling. So now I wear jeans and a polo while in town. |
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Post by Min on Feb 20, 2006 22:32:10 GMT 11
I don't care how anyone else dresses, so why should they care how I do? As long as I'm comfortable. And in this heat, singlet tops are necessary.
I'm not having a go at anyone elses beliefs here, but some people DO dress up to attract attention, whether they're revealing or not. I guess it must be confusing to the puny-minded when someone's dressing to be comfortable, and dressing to be noticed. Because one single person can't say "this is what's appropriate to wear at the supermarket", there'll be all walks of life wearing all sorts of gear. I think it comes down to respect in the end though.
Remember. Puny minded. Why waste your time on them? Why let them get you angry? They want a reaction. Don't give them the gratification. Men as sad as that don't care whether you're angry at them, or turning around going 'sure, I'd love you to look at my tits'. They just want to be noticed.
If I get called out at in the street - well. I used to glare, turn around and give them a lecture. Eg "Do I KNOW you? Why the hell would I want to speak to you" sort of things, but that was just fuelling their fires.
Men want a reaction.
The best method of attack is to totally, utterly ignore them, and go on with your life as though they are completely beneath your notice. Even if they come straight up to your face and say something. Just walk on past as though they don't exist. You might be fuming on the inside at the indecency, but they'll feel like the fool.
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Post by Dark One on Feb 20, 2006 23:18:51 GMT 11
its not just men that do that though. I was walking through town one evening and a group of young girls in a car beeped their horn at me and whistled out the window! It made me feel very uncomfortable!
I have never done this to anyone else, so why should they do this to me??
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Post by Min on Feb 21, 2006 0:41:28 GMT 11
Yes, sorry DO I was generalising. Idiots will hoot at you whether you're male or female, because they want to be noticed. It doesn't matter what sex you are.
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shinigami
Gypsy
all hail the rollerdisco-duobat!
Posts: 54
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Post by shinigami on Feb 21, 2006 10:15:34 GMT 11
people are, in general, idiots. This is why I mostly hate them  (mini rant: why can i never find the answer to the questions in my lecture notes?) |
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Post by Siryn on Feb 21, 2006 12:26:35 GMT 11
was that rhetorical?
and you dont hate me do you??
oh yeah, and if people beep their car horns at you, then take down their registration plate number. report it to the police (not on 000) you never know, they could then get a call from the police! plus a phonecall from the cops about them harassing people has got to make them re-think the next time they do it.
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Post by avra on Feb 21, 2006 13:27:48 GMT 11
Women get stared at no matter what they wear. I wore baggy clothing for years, and still noticed people staring at my chest the whole time. I've always wanted to turn around and go up to someone staring and say "Do you want to touch one? Come on! Come on! I know you want to touch one!" Totally freak them out.  |
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Post by Swallow on Feb 21, 2006 13:57:16 GMT 11
PMSL Av!! that's a classy one. Ohh.. now i'm going to be thinking that the next time i'm feeling objectified.
Min, i don't think singlet tops are bad, that's not what irritates me... i suppose you would say the Paris Hilton followers are what i hate. Simply because i am still a feminist, and i don't like seeing young women objectify themselves when they don't even know what they're getting themselves into. Esp. when they don't seem to realise that they're hurting themselves by allowing themselves to be treated like crap by males, but that's got WAY more to do with self image than clothing. And this is a generalisation. It's got more to do with the way someone holds themselves and acts, than what they are wearing. I've got friends who wear the shorts that are more undies than shorts, and tiny little pieces of material for tops, and yet argue the same things about feminism as i do.
So again, clothes have got nothing to do with it.
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Post by Min on Feb 21, 2006 14:51:37 GMT 11
It's to do with the media, I guess. Almost everything - magazines, movies, tv shows - they promote the unrealistic / objectification of women, even the so called 'girl' magazines. The majority of people follow the rules set down by the media.
Unfortunately.
Some women think they're worth nothing if they don't have the attention of a male. It's really sad...and any man who supports this is just fuelling the problem.
Grrr..
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Post by Swallow on Feb 21, 2006 15:16:18 GMT 11
I don't think it can be blamed on the media. It's all about agenda setting. Who starts the story, who creates the market for it. You can't just blame it on the media. If there wasn't a market for it, it wouldn't be in the media. But if it wasn't in the media, would there be an audience for it?
cruel and confusing circle worse than the chicken and the egg.
I've been studying it since i've started uni, and no one has given me a definitive answer, only makes me more confused. And i think the ones who do the intensive study on it are permenately confused themselves.
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Post by Siryn on Feb 21, 2006 15:58:43 GMT 11
i think the 'clothes thing' is a bit of a problem (not coz of paris, i think she wears those clothes to get the reaction she desires) but i think it is a lot to do with what they're putting on the famous Barbie dolls and also the popular Bratz dolls.
honestly, i have seen children who must be 4 years old wearing boob tubes and miniskirts. i was horrified that, one people are making these clothes and two, parents are buying them. By the time kids are old enough to read, yes, the magazines come out with things like covergirl competitions, not to mention the almost impossible criteria for entering them.
Just letting you know:
Have you noticed lately, (and i dont know if it was a mistake -i hope not) but in some junk mail i was looking through i saw two ordinary looking women (under the heading 'plus size' btw -anyway) who were in their bras and undies. one of the women had cellulite and the other had stretchmarks on her legs and stomache!! someone said "oh, thats disgusting" but i thought it was wonderful! almost like a breakthrough!
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)in public *once* and a 20-something year old, greasy haired all feral guy walked past me and said 'Hey lovely, how you doing?" I was completely shocked! Its never happened to be before that, and I really hope it never does again. Its a horrible, intrusive just bleugh feeling. So now I wear jeans and a polo while in town.
