Tech Support

[Dark One]

*Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?*

*Female customer: A white one...*



* ===============*



*Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.*

*Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?*

*Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.*

*Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.*

*Customer: No . wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's

still on my desk... sorry....*



* ===============*



*Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of

the screen.*

*Customer: Your left or my left?*



* ==== ===========*



*Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?*

*Male customer: Hlo... I can't print.*

*Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...*

*Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not

Bill Gates, dammit!*



* ===============*



*Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every

time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the

printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer

still says he can't find it...*



* ===============*





*Customer: I have problems printing in red...*

*Tech support: Do you have a color printer?*

*Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.*



* ===============*



*Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?*

*Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.*



* ===============*



*Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.*

*Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?*

*Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.*

*Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.*

*Customer:bsp; OK*

*Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?*

*Customer: Yes*

*Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there

another keyboard?*

*Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...*



* ===============*



*Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a

capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.*

*Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?*



* ===============*



*Customer: I can't get on the Internet.*

*Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?*

*Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.*

*Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?*

*Custom er: Five stars.*



* ==! ======== =====*



*Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?*

*Customer: Netscape.*

*Tech support:nsp; That's not an anti-virus program.*

*Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.*



* ===============*



*Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen

saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.*



* ===============*



*Tech support: How may I help you?*

*Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.*

*Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?*

*Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I

get the circle around it?*



* ===============*



*A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her

printer.*

*Tech support: Are you running it under windows?*

*Customer: "No, my desk i s next to the door, but that is a good

point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window,

and his printer is working fine."BR*

* ===============*



*And last but not least...*



*Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at

the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the

screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."*

*Customer: I don't have a P.*

*Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.*

*Customer: What do you mean?*

*Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.*



*Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!*

[Squirt]

hehe, that makes me feel like a computer mastermind! lol

[grunty]

lol, that is so funny! i feel better..

C/AMN Steven

[Min]

*takes deep breaths*

IT's ALL TRUE!!!!

That was a magic find, DO!!!

[DragonMornir]

some people are severely computer challanged..... heheh

[Dark One]

If you think they're good, here's a whole website full of them:

rinkworks.com/stupid/

[Min]

*Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?*

*Male customer: Hlo... I can't print.*

*Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...*

*Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not

Bill Gates, dammit!*

I like this one the best. I have this sort of thing happen all the time. Who would have thought the humble Start button was such a technical creature...
And Desktops. Ask someone to go to their desktop and you'll have to explain for a couple of minutes it's what's there when all the windows are minimised (more explaining about minimising windows), usually with a wallpaper...image...ok, picture...or a blank screen...with your icons on it. The little pictures that you double click to start your programs! You know, the one that's there that says Inventor that you double-click when you come into work?! THAT'S YOUR DESKTOP.
NO. DON'T DOUBLE CLICK THE ICON. JUST GO TO YOUR DESKTOP.

[Jayla]

Here is another website that is full of these

pebkac.ubergoth.net/

[Cookie Lover]

Anyone seen jabs jobs, tecnical support? It's brilliant, a lot like that.

*ring ring*
"Hello, tecnical support. Your phones not working? You sure? There you go."

*ring ring*
"Hello, tecnical support. Your computers not working? HAve you tried kicking it? Well, that's probably why it's not working."

[Dark One]

When our exchange server has been down, we've had users phoning us up and asking for us to send them e-mails to let them know that its not working!

[Ness]

hahahahaha oh lord thats soo funny... reminds me of my dad