Post by Stephen on Feb 23, 2005 20:11:43 GMT 11
Hey, anybody willing to give help within the next five ten mins would be appreciated. I wrote the following story for english, but I need a surprise ending and a moral. Free feel to edit it any way you want, the ending was quick because I had to get it done today. Any 'twists & morals' appreciated. Here it is:
Benjy sat there on the shoreline, staring out at the blood red sphere setting into the ocean, throwing a light along the horizon and making it seem as if charged with an other-worldly electricity. A chilly wind played with a strand of hair plastered to his face, bringing relief to the searing temperatures of the day, and relaxing his muscles. He laid back and allowed himself to bask in the serenity of it all, focusing on emptying his mind of everything, thus allowing himself to harmonise with nature. As the void slowly crept deeper into the crevices of his mind, he released his mind flow and allowed it to be carried along by the wind, smoothly tossing and turning until he once again came to rest back in his body. Hearing a sound in the distance, he directed his hearing so that it would only pick up that one sound. After lass than a few seconds, he realised that the sound he was hearing was the screams of a man. Curious as to why the man was screaming, he picked up his video camera, stood up and turned it on all in one swift motion.
As he rose up over the top of the sand dune, his eyes took a moment to adjust, before realising that he saw movement on the road just in front of him. Quickly dropping down onto his belly so as not to be seen, he switched his camera onto night mode so that he could see what was happening. Zooming in closer, he started to make out the shapes. There were five individuals. One was screaming on the ground while three others held him down, and the fifth held a pistol facing towards his head. The guy with the gun was speaking to the man on the ground, but Benjy couldn’t make out what he was saying. The screaming man stopped for a second, eyes slowly widened, and the gun was fired three times. Benjy accidentally let out a gasp of horror, and quickly realised that this could be his undoing, his death. This body of individuals was not afraid to kill, and he would not be an exception. One of them looked over in his direction, and, spotting the camera, gave chase. Knowing he had no chance of fighting them five to one, even with his martial arts training (considering he was only a blue belt), he turned and fled. Lights flashed past him and partially closed windows reflected his image back to him a thousand times. Risking a backwards glance, he found that he was gradually gaining distance on them. One of them stumbled and he took the opportunity to slip down a side street, out of their view. Realising they had lost him, the biggest guy yelled out to the empty street
“If anyone finds out about this, you shall be killed”, but the walls weren’t listening.
Awakening the next morning, the past nights multitude of nightmares caused him to feel a sudden lurch of fear. Rising slowly, he walked over to the breakfast table to ponder the previous night’s events. Grabbing the box of Weetbix and a bottle of milk, he sat down next to the video camera and went to press play, but, thinking better of it, poured the milk into his bowl of cereal instead. Getting a spoonful and bringing it up to his mouth, he let it hover there for a second before placing it in his mouth. As he listened to the crunch, he wondered to himself ‘What should I do? Should I tell let the police know or not? After all, it is my life I am risking’. Realising it would be the right thing to do; he decided he would risk giving the police the video. He quickly finished his bowl of cereal before heading for the door.
He reached for one of the many locks, and unbolted it, slowly working his way down the line. Once done, he looked through the eyehole to make sure no one was there. After double checking the empty space just to be sure, he pried open the door and stepped out into the cool brisk morning air. Glancing over his shoulder, he looked like a true paranoiac. He rapidly moved along the footpath of cold, hard stones, creating an uneven feel under his feet. Turning down a side street, he passed only one pedestrian on his way to the open road which housed the police station.
He reached the window of the building and glanced in, knocking softly upon the glass. A woman in uniform walked up to the door and unlocked it.
“How may I help you sir?” she queried. He wordlessly handed her the tape from his camera, before whispering
“I’ll be in touch”, and walking off into the distance.
I know the ending is quick, that's why i need suggestions. Please!!!
‘I am what you might become, but this was my choice. By giving myself to the endless dream that is death, I am able to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them’<br>-Shakespeare
Benjy sat there on the shoreline, staring out at the blood red sphere setting into the ocean, throwing a light along the horizon and making it seem as if charged with an other-worldly electricity. A chilly wind played with a strand of hair plastered to his face, bringing relief to the searing temperatures of the day, and relaxing his muscles. He laid back and allowed himself to bask in the serenity of it all, focusing on emptying his mind of everything, thus allowing himself to harmonise with nature. As the void slowly crept deeper into the crevices of his mind, he released his mind flow and allowed it to be carried along by the wind, smoothly tossing and turning until he once again came to rest back in his body. Hearing a sound in the distance, he directed his hearing so that it would only pick up that one sound. After lass than a few seconds, he realised that the sound he was hearing was the screams of a man. Curious as to why the man was screaming, he picked up his video camera, stood up and turned it on all in one swift motion.
As he rose up over the top of the sand dune, his eyes took a moment to adjust, before realising that he saw movement on the road just in front of him. Quickly dropping down onto his belly so as not to be seen, he switched his camera onto night mode so that he could see what was happening. Zooming in closer, he started to make out the shapes. There were five individuals. One was screaming on the ground while three others held him down, and the fifth held a pistol facing towards his head. The guy with the gun was speaking to the man on the ground, but Benjy couldn’t make out what he was saying. The screaming man stopped for a second, eyes slowly widened, and the gun was fired three times. Benjy accidentally let out a gasp of horror, and quickly realised that this could be his undoing, his death. This body of individuals was not afraid to kill, and he would not be an exception. One of them looked over in his direction, and, spotting the camera, gave chase. Knowing he had no chance of fighting them five to one, even with his martial arts training (considering he was only a blue belt), he turned and fled. Lights flashed past him and partially closed windows reflected his image back to him a thousand times. Risking a backwards glance, he found that he was gradually gaining distance on them. One of them stumbled and he took the opportunity to slip down a side street, out of their view. Realising they had lost him, the biggest guy yelled out to the empty street
“If anyone finds out about this, you shall be killed”, but the walls weren’t listening.
Awakening the next morning, the past nights multitude of nightmares caused him to feel a sudden lurch of fear. Rising slowly, he walked over to the breakfast table to ponder the previous night’s events. Grabbing the box of Weetbix and a bottle of milk, he sat down next to the video camera and went to press play, but, thinking better of it, poured the milk into his bowl of cereal instead. Getting a spoonful and bringing it up to his mouth, he let it hover there for a second before placing it in his mouth. As he listened to the crunch, he wondered to himself ‘What should I do? Should I tell let the police know or not? After all, it is my life I am risking’. Realising it would be the right thing to do; he decided he would risk giving the police the video. He quickly finished his bowl of cereal before heading for the door.
He reached for one of the many locks, and unbolted it, slowly working his way down the line. Once done, he looked through the eyehole to make sure no one was there. After double checking the empty space just to be sure, he pried open the door and stepped out into the cool brisk morning air. Glancing over his shoulder, he looked like a true paranoiac. He rapidly moved along the footpath of cold, hard stones, creating an uneven feel under his feet. Turning down a side street, he passed only one pedestrian on his way to the open road which housed the police station.
He reached the window of the building and glanced in, knocking softly upon the glass. A woman in uniform walked up to the door and unlocked it.
“How may I help you sir?” she queried. He wordlessly handed her the tape from his camera, before whispering
“I’ll be in touch”, and walking off into the distance.
I know the ending is quick, that's why i need suggestions. Please!!!
